Category: Disclosure

Disclosure 101: Why Parents Need to Talk to their Kids

1/26/2016

"How will I know when it's time to tell my children about their Asperger's/Autism diagnoses?"
"What should I say if my child asks me a question about autism?"
"Won't it just hurt his self-esteem to know a diagnosis? How does having a label help?"
"What's the best way to tell my children about their diagnoses? What shouldn't I do?"

Parents call AANE with these and similar questions everyday. They want to help their children understand themselves--understand how their diagnoses may affect them--but they also worry about what happens next. I posed the question of why parents should tell their children about an Asperger's diagnosis to my 18-year-old son, Noah, who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 3 years old. With the help of our dog, Lavender, this is what he had to say…

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You Don't Have to be a Perfect Parent

11/4/2014

5 Comments

By Brenda Dater

I love the idea of being a "good enough" parent. But there have been times when I felt like I had to be perfect--like when I was trying to teach a new skill to my kids or we had a pivotal school meeting. We are all doing the best we can with the skills we have at any point in time. No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, no intervention or program is perfect--and so we shouldn't expect perfection from ourselves, our children or the strategies we try.

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When Siblings Collide--What's Fair? 6 Tips to Calm Sibling Chaos

10/10/2014

2 Comments

By Brenda Dater

Siblings have long memories when it comes to the perceived inconsistencies from parents. My older brothers can pull up examples from 40 years ago that clearly demonstrate the perceived advantages I received as the youngest sibling (and only girl). Parents try to treat kids fairly. So what do we do when one or more of our kids have special needs and require different rules, expectations and consequences?

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Top Tips for Dealing with Parents who Exclude Your Kid

9/29/2014

2 Comments

By Brenda Dater

Through the years I've had parents actively intervene to keep their kid away from mine. One time a mom told me her family would be in Hawaii during my son's Bar Mitzvah. Then we saw her son walking down our street on the day of the service.

Another time a mom whose child enjoyed being with my son said she didn't want them to play together. She explained that she thought her son was picking up "autistic behaviors" and wanted him with "typical" kids so he'd be "more normal."

I'm not sure which is worse--the parent who clearly states she doesn't want your child anywhere near her own, or the one who lies to get out of potential interactions. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut by both of these moms. And I wondered, why do parents exclude our kids and what can we do when this happens?

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Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer: Practical Tips for Parenting without Panic

9/22/2014

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By Brenda Dater

"Parents want to know if their children will be okay. They want to know what the future holds. I am full of hope for my own children and yours too. I hope that we are laying the foundation for them to understand themselves and the world around them. I hope that they believe in themselves and appreciate their abilities. I hope that the challenges and problems they encounter build their sense of resilience and bravery. And I hope they know how glad we are to have them in our lives."

--From "Parenting without Panic: A Pocket Support Group for Parents of Children and Teens on the Autism Spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome)"

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5 Tips to Help your Child with Asperger's/Autism Develop Problem Solving Skills

9/6/2014

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By Brenda Dater

I woke up this morning to a flurry of text messages sent during the wee hours of the night from my son who just started college this past week. They began with an urgent health question to me because health services was closed.. They ended with this,
"Going to the hospital about this, probably nothing, thought I should let you know."
And this an hour and a half later, "I'm fine, there wasn't anything to worry about. Just letting you know."

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Top 5 Tips for Going to College with Asperger's/Autism: What can you do in High School?

8/26/2014

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By Brenda Dater

My son, Noah-age 4, with grandpa

My son, Noah, leaves for college in 2 days. He was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when he was 3 years old. When he started high school, my mantra about college was, "There's no one way to do life after high school." I didn't want him to feel like he had to follow the path of everyone around him.

I wanted him to know that he could adapt to new environments, academic requirements, social expectations and living independently at a pace that worked well for him. I didn't want to hold him back and tell him he couldn't step out of his comfort zone and I also didn't want to pretend this transition would be smooth and easy because he'd done well in high school.

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Disclosure 101: Why Parents Need to Talk to their Kids

You Don't Have to be a Perfect Parent

When Siblings Collide--What's Fair? 6 Tips to Calm Sibling Chaos

Top Tips for Dealing with Parents who Exclude Your Kid

Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer: Practical Tips for Parenting without Panic

5 Tips to Help your Child with Asperger's/Autism Develop Problem Solving Skills

Top 5 Tips for Going to College with Asperger's/Autism: What can you do in High School?

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