Brenda Dater, MPH, MSW
Parent  |  Author  |  Speaker

  • Welcome
  • About the Book
    • Read an Excerpt
    • Read a Review
  • Blog
  • Events
    • Presentation Topics
    • In the News
    • Press Kit
  • About Brenda
  • Contact

When Siblings Collide--What's Fair? 6 Tips to Calm Sibling Chaos

10/10/2014

2 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
Siblings have long memories when it comes to the perceived inconsistencies from parents. My older brothers can pull up examples from 40 years ago that clearly demonstrate the perceived advantages I received as the youngest sibling (and only girl). Parents try to treat kids fairly. So what do we do when one or more of our kids have special needs and require different rules, expectations and consequences? 

Read More
2 Comments

Top Tips for Dealing with Parents who Exclude Your Kid

9/29/2014

3 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
Through the years I've had parents actively intervene to keep their kid away from mine. One time a mom told me her family would be in Hawaii during my son's Bar Mitzvah. Then we saw her son walking down our street on the day of the service.

Another time a mom whose child enjoyed being with my son said she didn't want them to play together. She explained that she thought her son was picking up "autistic behaviors" and wanted him with "typical" kids so he'd be "more normal."  

I'm not sure which is worse--the parent who clearly states she doesn't want your child anywhere near her own, or the one who lies to get out of potential interactions. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut by both of these moms. And I wondered, why do parents exclude our kids and what can we do when this happens?




Read More
3 Comments

Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer: Practical Tips for Parenting without Panic

9/22/2014

0 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
"Parents want to know if their children will be okay. They want to know what the future holds. I am full of hope for my own children and yours too. I hope that we are laying the foundation for them to understand themselves and the world around them. I hope that they believe in themselves and appreciate their abilities. I hope that the challenges and problems they encounter build their sense of resilience and bravery. And I hope they know how glad we are to have them in our lives."

--From "Parenting without Panic:  A Pocket Support Group for Parents of Children and Teens on the Autism Spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome)"

Read More
0 Comments

Top Tips for De-Stressing IEP Meetings

9/15/2014

10 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
IEP meetings can be very stressful--especially if you feel that your child is misunderstood and other parents have told you to expect a fight. As a mom who has attended IEP meetings since 1998 for my own kids and sat in on countless others through my work at AANE and helping friends, I've noticed that the following key tips can help you leave the meeting in a more hopeful state.  Try them out at your next team meeting and let me know if they help!

Read More
10 Comments

5 Tips to Help your Child with Asperger's/Autism Develop Problem Solving Skills

9/6/2014

3 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
I woke up this morning to a flurry of text messages sent during the wee hours of the night from my son who just started college this past week.  They began with an urgent health question to me because health services was closed..  They ended with this, 
"Going to the hospital about this, probably nothing, thought I should let you know." 

And this an hour and a half later, "I'm fine, there wasn't anything to worry about.  Just letting you know."



Read More
3 Comments

Top 5 Tips for Going to College with Asperger's/Autism: What can you do in High School?

8/26/2014

0 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
PictureMy son, Noah-age 4, with grandpa
My son, Noah, leaves for college in 2 days.  He was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when he was 3 years old. When he started high school, my mantra about college was, "There's no one way to do life after high school."  I didn't want him to feel like he had to follow the path of everyone around him.  

I wanted him to know that he could adapt to new environments,  academic requirements, social expectations and living independently at a pace that worked well for him. I didn't want to hold him back and tell him he couldn't step out of his comfort zone and I also didn't want to pretend this transition would be smooth and easy because he'd done well in high school. 


Read More
0 Comments

7 Tips for Parenting without Panic--Hint Set Realistic Expectations

8/19/2014

0 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
It's the middle of the night. I can't sleep--not because I'm not tired--but because I've got a list of "to-dos" running through my mind.  I'm thinking about planning the next year's workshops and support groups at AANE.  I'm sorting out the details for upcoming Parenting without Panic book events.  I'm thinking about the follow up my 18-year-old son with Asperger's needs to do before he heads to college.  And I'm wondering how to sort through the mountains of paper I've accumulated in our home over the past year. I know that none of these tasks are critical.  If they don't happen, it will be inconvenient and frustrating, but not tragic.  And yet, it's still keeping me awake when I'd rather be snoozing next to my husband.

Even though my rational brain knows that there's only so much thinking and doing I can accomplish on any given day, I still expect that I'll have the time and energy to do more.  And yet, the harder I try and push, the more depleted and overwhelmed I feel.  And I don't think I'm alone.  Many parents feel like they should be able to do more, accomplish more, help their kids more--especially when they have kids on the autism spectrum.  But what happens when we are too hard on ourselves, focus too much on what we should do and not enough on what is possible in this moment?  We can start to feel like Lucy in the candy factory…and we know how well that turned out. 


Read More
0 Comments

Writing About Your Kids

8/7/2014

2 Comments

 
By Brenda Dater
Picture
Talking to a friend over coffee about your parenting predicaments, your concerns and worries, your joys and excitement is one thing.  Putting your emotions and thoughts on paper and sharing it with the larger world is completely different.  Your kids' narratives become stories that others can share--it makes you stop and think--does anyone have a private life anymore?



Read More
2 Comments
Forward>>

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    Author

    Brenda Dater is the author of Parenting without Panic: A Pocket Support Group for Parents of Children and Teens on the Autism Spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome). Brenda is also the Director of Child and Teen Services at AANE.

    Archives

    September 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adhd
    Anxiety
    Aspergers
    Autism
    Balancing Family Life
    Bike Riding
    Bullying
    College
    Disclosure
    Emotional Regulation
    Employment
    Exclusion
    Expectations
    Fairness
    Fathers
    Flexibility
    Grandparents
    IEP
    Inclusion
    Mothers
    Occupational Therapy
    Parenting
    ParentingwithoutPanic
    Physical Therapy
    Problem Solving
    Resilience
    Resistance To Change
    School
    Sensory Integration Therapy
    Siblings
    Social Skills Group
    Strategies
    Stress
    Support
    Team Meetings
    Writing

Copyright © Brenda Dater 2020.  All rights reserved.
Contact Brenda
(617) 393-3824